I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
