Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
