I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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