The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
