we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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