I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
