I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Sorry my hands just texted you
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
