How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
