So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
