I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
