you're like a bully in the Christmas story
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
