yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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