I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow