I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.