Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
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it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
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It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.