You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
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How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
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Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.