We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa