High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things