A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.