Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.