having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have