having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have