Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
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I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
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Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?