Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
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Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
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Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.