It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.