He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!