You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.