so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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