His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
