The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.