I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
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like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
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I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left