Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.