And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
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Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
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I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.