On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die