Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys