My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.