One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep