I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
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My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
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This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"