There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore