just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits