If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value