facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.