if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I think weed is turning my hair brown