there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.