I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
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About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
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I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.