I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy