Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer