Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Texas (972)

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  (972): View more from Texas

  I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.

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  (972): I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night. http://tfl.nu/hauh
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  Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?

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  (972): Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday? http://tfl.nu/8ic0
  Replies (3) Good night (1999) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
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  Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.

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  (972): Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter. http://tfl.nu/4cll
  Replies (4) Good night (1623) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
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  I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.

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  (972): I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip. http://tfl.nu/tlq7
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  By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.

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  (972): By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor. http://tfl.nu/m469
  Replies (6) Good night (2430) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
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  he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.

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  (972): he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever. http://tfl.nu/boyq
  Replies (21) Good night (5632) Bad night (1359) Order T-Shirt
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  He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.

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  (972): He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/ko2r
  Replies (8) Good night (776) Bad night (3417) Order T-Shirt
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  Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy

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  (972): Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy http://tfl.nu/ylro
  Replies (5) Good night (658) Bad night (2786) Order T-Shirt
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  Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.

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  (972): Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone. http://tfl.nu/2947
  Replies (4) Good night (1125) Bad night (2828) Order T-Shirt
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  The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions

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  (972): The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions http://tfl.nu/nm0a
  Replies (8) Good night (1437) Bad night (2488) Order T-Shirt
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  I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.

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  (972): I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car. http://tfl.nu/qc2u
  Replies (3) Good night (973) Bad night (2284) Order T-Shirt
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  I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed

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  (972): I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed http://tfl.nu/xlf6
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  I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.

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  (972): I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it. http://tfl.nu/3d6t
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  My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.

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  (972): My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B. http://tfl.nu/k9ee
  Replies (10) Good night (972) Bad night (3338)
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  It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.

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  (972): It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians. http://tfl.nu/8vkd
  Replies (18) Good night (4651) Bad night (1477) Order T-Shirt