Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".