also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
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True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
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I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.