we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.