I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.