Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.