We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.