He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...