I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed