I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.