You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....