I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis