Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way