You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?