She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.