There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
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It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
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You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one