Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.