I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??