Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.