We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?