This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...