He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes