The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again