You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
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This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
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Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.