The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy