I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon