Redeem this text for a blowjob
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
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so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.