It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
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Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.