I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.