He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.