after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife